My pregnancy confession... |Building Our Story Yum

Monday, July 30, 2012

My pregnancy confession...

I haven’t blogged in a couple days so I thought I would use today to vent and be super honest with all of my readers. 
You have all probably figured this out but I am pregnant – GASP!!  LOL It’s true.  I am actually 28 weeks along now.  Amazing how fast it goes!! 
Now, just like all pregnant women I have my anxieties, worries, and concerns about my upcoming labor and delivery as well as welcoming a new baby into the world.  Yes, even the second time around you feel these things – along with excitement, joy and happiness of course!!
The difference this time around for me has nothing to do with the PAIN, water breakage, or hospital bag.  The only thing that I am worked up about right now –
That’s it but let me tell you I am nervous, embarrassed, and just plan ANXIOUS as f*&k (excuse the offensive language)!
And now time for my confession; a sentence that is hard to say in a world of negative comments, negative people and BULLIES!   Before I let that sentence out I would like to preface this all by saying – do you what you want with your babies/children, it is your choice, BUT the negative and condescending comments will do you NO good here – bullies will not be tolerated!! 
Here we go -
Confession out – do you still like me?  And now for the problem I am having after I proudly say that I have no desire to go through the heartache, pain, frustration, and overall STRESS again.  For my story of why I struggled with nursing Jude please click this link!! 
The hospital I am delivering at is an amazing, fairly new hospital in the Denver area – same hospital that I delivered Jude at and I love it.  It is what is considered a “Baby Friendly” hospital (funny name, I would hope all hospitals were baby friendly! Lol) 
Here is what they describe as “Baby Friendly” = Breastfeeding immediately after birth, discourage pacifiers, bedside sleeping/in room sleeping (love this!) and discourage bottles and formula.  Yes, pretty baby friendly, I agree with that.  Well unless your body or baby decides that nursing just is going to work or if you as a woman decide that you have no desire to feed your baby from your boob! 
So this is what I am afraid of – I already told you my confession – I do not want to nurse my baby!  BUT I also do not want to hear from every single nurse or lactation consultant that I am doing something wrong.  So what does this anxious mommy-to-be do?? 
Am I able to bring my own formula and bottles?  Do I “fake” it and nurse while we are at the hospital?  Just be a strong woman and own up to the nurses from the beginning?  Am I ready for the looks of disgust?
For those of you who have walked into a hospital delivery room with these worries, what did you do?  How did you make the experience as blessed as your first? 
And by the way – my 2 year old boy who was a formula baby is one healthy, active little man – formula did he well!  And formula helped me keep my sanity!  Okay, most of it! 
Thank you for listening to my confession!


  1. I am sorry your dealing with this anxiety. I know it's a long shot but any chance you could deliver somewhere else? No woman should feel that kind of pressure on such a personal choice.

  2. Wow even as a bfing advocate I still think it should be your choice, that's kinda crazy!

  3. I think the whole "baby friendly" title is such a farce. It's more like "BF friendly". They should give you 100% support for whatever feeding avenue you choose, even if your nurse/doctor/whoever doesn't personally agree with it. Your child = your choice. FWIW, I never wanted to BF Jack, didn't try, and won't for the rest of my kids.

  4. Honestly (and that is a funny word to use here- because of what I am going to say), I would lie and tell them that you are medically unable to nurse. I will warn you though that with my second the breast pain was wayyyy higher when the milk came in. And it is possible your milk will come in with a vengence even if you are not nursing. Once you tell them that you are not medically able to nurse they should leave you alone.

  5. I would make a birth plan that includes how you want your baby cared for after delivery. I'm a huge breastfeeding advocate, but the fact of the matter is it doesn't work for some women and the top priority is to feed your baby, whether that be breastmilk or formula. Once you've written your plan, give a copy to the hospital to put in your records ASAP, give a copy to your doctor at your next appointment, and make sure you take a copy with you to the hospital. Jeremy will need to take on the role of advocate for you (unless you hire a doula! Which I'm also a big fan of. :) ) I would talk to the hospital ahead of time about how they implement/enforce their "Baby Friendly" status. I delivered all 3 of my kids in a "baby friendly" hospital and specifically asked NOT to use pacifiers, but the nurses gave my kids pacifiers anyway. So clearly "baby friendly" wasn't upheld by the staff. For me that was frustrating, but in your situation, that should make you feel less worried about it.

    Also, on my pre-admission paperwork, I was able to choose whether or not I wanted a visit from a lactation consultant. With my last baby, I didn't feel it was necessary, so I checked no. The hospital honored that and I never had one show up at the door (even in a baby friendly hospital). If your hospital paperwork doesn't leave that as an option, I would be sure to include that in your birth plan and ask the hospital to write it in your record that you do not want a visit.

    I would take bottles and formula from home so baby can start off using the same bottles and formula that she will be having at home instead of making a switch in a couple days.

    Good luck, Censie!

  6. I think Baby Friendly is a bunch of BS. What about feeding choice? Where did that go? I had similar struggles with Evie and breastfeeding. Honestly when my milk dried up and we switched to formula I breathed a sigh of relief. I KNEW we were doing the right thing, but the comments (OH THE COMMENTS) how they hurt my heart. Telling me that I wasn't doing best for my baby, telling me I was making her fat, that I was promising asthma, telling me if I had just pushed harder those ear infections wouldn't have been so bad, they broke my heart.

    DH & I have already decided that with a possible no 2 we will NOT be EBFing. We will commit to giving our child breast milk whether by pump or breast for two weeks and after that, we will see how it goes.

    The nurses and LCs can sneer and berate and I don't care. I'll tell them to get the hell out of my room. It's not their choice to make. I've read the research. I believe in the benefits of breast feeding. HOWEVER I more strongly believe in the benefits of an attached, loving mother who is not suffering from PPD/A partially because of rude comments about breast feeding and from being up pumping every two hours to try and not feel like a failure. I challenge anyone to look at my situation and yours and tell me that formula isn't the best choice. Try it.

    Wheew. Clearly, this got me fired up. I am livid for you having to deal with this kind of anxiety over something that is YOUR CHOICE! Bring your own formula, nursery water and bottles, and if they say so much as one word tell them to get out and COMPLAIN to patient advocacy.

    Uggh! Lemme at em!!!

  7. I think everyone should do what is right for them or their family!!! You have a beautiful family! Good luck with the delivery! And do what's best for you!

  8. Sorry you are having anxiety over it.

    For a hospital, drs and nurses to give you grief for not wanting to breast feed is absurd!

    I did not even want to try to bf my first. I went straight to the bottle. My second I wanted to try, he would not latch so I pumped and did formula together. This only lasted 2 weeks because I could not deal with basically feeding or pumping 24/7. My third, did not even try. I knew I could not handle the toddler, tween and a newborn who was cluster feeding.

    I give you props for standing up for what you want and putting it out there. Whatever someone chooses, breast or bottle, is their choice. I do not think one is better for bonding. Breast might give more to a baby at first but formula has come a long way!

    Best of luck!

  9. It's no good that you're having anxiety. I don't know your history with breastfeeding, and was quite honestly too lazy to read your link!, but maybe it could be different this time? At the end of the day, you gotta do what you gotta do. I'm 100% pro-breastfeeding, but I'm also 100% pro-parenting choices! Don't let anyone make you feel bad. As a nurse and mommy "breast is best" but it is NOT the only option, obviously ;)

  10. I have two words back at ya: then don't. No guilt, no anxiety needed!

    Have no fear: the "baby-friendly" hospital title really just means that they are going to go above and beyond to help the mommas that want to BF and request help getting there. In addition, the staff will not be suggesting formula to those mommas.

    In your case, you go in telling them that you and your family want to formula feed, they should be just as courteous to you as they are to BF families, but just add formula :)

    The birth plan helps, but most of the time someone is still going to ask you at some point - maybe several times. I had a nurse ask me and then the on call pedi ask me, and then probably one more nurse. I just told them no polietly and kept popping the top on them Similac nursettes!

    I think the point of the Baby Friendly hospital is to help the moms who are either on the fence about BF or are 100% behind it but are struggling to get it done. They don't want moms being pushed to formula just because they didn't get a good consulation in the hospital or they got a "infomercial" about formula that made them feel like they had to use it.

    to reiterate: Just don't. I love that you're so open about it too!


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