Jude - I love him. He is my first baby. He will always be my baby. Jude broke my Mommy heart yesterday. He doesn’t quite understand why. My goodness friends, I am here being as honest and transparent as ever. It’s what I do here!
You read it already, My Mommy Heart was Broken.
Jude is almost 4. I have heard that 4 is worse than 3. I hope not. 3’s have been really hard on Jude. He seems so independent that it turns into defiance instead. While I love our Montessori teaching I think we have Montessori to thank for this independence! Ha! So what do I do with this spirited, independent, outspoken, smart child that has turned defiant? To say that yesterday was a challenge doesn’t even begin to describe my feelings. This is the out of energy at a loss face that I ended up with once I was back at work.
Let’s go back in time….
Yesterday was Jude’s last day of school (WHAT?) and his first field day. Being the room mom I was in charge of the field day and pulled it off! YAY! I have really enjoyed being the room mom but after this event I now see that next year, someone else will need to step up and take that title. The activities were over, the kiddos were enjoying their Popsicles and talking about their day. I decided it was time to hand out the ribbons I got them. They are in preschool so I got ribbons that just said “Good Job!” on them. They came in 3 colors. No big deal…HA WRONG! I simply at random handed out the ribbons. I gave Jude a green one. He freaked out!!! FREAKED OUT! He wanted a blue one. I was not going to give into his behavior (yeah inside I wanted to give him the blue one so he would STOP yelling) so I told him to sit off to the side. He continued to scream….I felt like the worst parent ever. It was time to go – school was out. He was still throwing a fit. His friends went back to class, when he noticed this he freaked out even more.
Do you see where this is going?
Finally, we made it back to his classroom. He was a mess. His face paint was running down his face and his nose was running! He was able to pull it together to give his teacher her gift and a hug and apologize for his behavior.
Honesty time – I was so embarrassed, I was in tears as we walked out of the school to the car. I wanted to scream! I was embarrassed and pissed! Jude!! Come on! Over a ribbon? I put all of that work into your field day and that is the behavior I get? I put into his car seat and we drove away. As we were driving I cried…I cried hard. This boy who I love deeply said to me from the back seat –
“Mommy you need to stop crying, you are not a part of my family anymore, I am mad at you and I do not love you anymore”.
You see, he is only 3…but when he said that, it cut to the core. Where did that come from? How could he say that? We got to my parents’ house and I dropped him off. We sat in the living room and he continued to say he was mad at me. Remember this is over a ribbon!! A RIBBON!!
You still with me?
I left my parents' and went to work. I was devastated and exhausted. I honestly do not know what to do. Jude does this at times – he explodes!! He gets so angry. How do we control this? How do we move forward? How do I find my sweet Turtle?
After seeing so many bloggers recently post about losing their children I feel like an
ASS even posting this. At least I get to have a fight with my
son. At least I got to go to a field
day. When I made it home from work last
night I cuddled my son. I told him I
love him. I read him a story and we
cuddled. I know he is a good boy and I
thank the Lord every day for my children, even when they Break My Mommy Heart.
People are telling me it is a stage…I understand that but how do I make sure that we are identifying this anger and treating it the correct way? I am ready for this stage to be gone…forever! So help us out. What have you used to help your toddler get through frustrating things in life without blowing up?
You will be proud of me though…there were 2 blue ribbons left, instead of giving into his behavior and giving him a blue one, I threw them in the trash. He will learn to appreciate that Green GOOD JOB ribbon!
Friends, I need your advice. Please give it to me straight!