How do you Heal Your Broken Mommy Heart? |Building Our Story Yum

Friday, May 16, 2014

How do you Heal Your Broken Mommy Heart?

Jude - I love him.  He is my first baby.  He will always be my baby.  Jude broke my Mommy heart yesterday.  He doesn’t quite understand why.  My goodness friends, I am here being as honest and transparent as ever.  It’s what I do here!

Heal your Broken Mommy Heart - Toddlerhood

You read it already, My Mommy Heart was Broken. 

Jude is almost 4.  I have heard that 4 is worse than 3.  I hope not.  3’s have been really hard on Jude.  He seems so independent that it turns into defiance instead.  While I love our Montessori teaching I think we have Montessori to thank for this independence!  Ha!  So what do I do with this spirited, independent, outspoken, smart child that has turned defiant?  To say that yesterday was a challenge doesn’t even begin to describe my feelings.  This is the out of energy at a loss face that I ended up with once I was back at work. 

Let’s go back in time….

Yesterday was Jude’s last day of school (WHAT?) and his first field day.  Being the room mom I was in charge of the field day and pulled it off!  YAY!  I have really enjoyed being the room mom but after this event I now see that next year, someone else will need to step up and take that title.  The activities were over, the kiddos were enjoying their Popsicles and talking about their day.  I decided it was time to hand out the ribbons I got them.  They are in preschool so I got ribbons that just said “Good Job!” on them.  They came in 3 colors.  No big deal…HA WRONG!  I simply at random handed out the ribbons.  I gave Jude a green one.  He freaked out!!!  FREAKED OUT!  He wanted a blue one. I was not going to give into his behavior (yeah inside I wanted to give him the blue one so he would STOP yelling) so I told him to sit off to the side.  He continued to scream….I felt like the worst parent ever.  It was time to go – school was out.  He was still throwing a fit.  His friends went back to class, when he noticed this he freaked out even more. 

Do you see where this is going? 

Finally,  we made it back to his classroom.  He was a mess.  His face paint was running down his face and his nose was running!  He was able to pull it together to give his teacher her gift and a hug and apologize for his behavior. 

Honesty time – I was so embarrassed, I was in tears as we walked out of the school to the car.  I wanted to scream!  I was embarrassed and pissed!  Jude!!  Come on!  Over a ribbon?  I put all of that work into your field day and that is the behavior I get?  I put into his car seat and we drove away.  As we were driving I cried…I cried hard.  This boy who I love deeply said to me from the back seat – 

“Mommy you need to stop crying, you are not a part of my family anymore, I am mad at you and I do not love you anymore”. 


You see, he is only 3…but when he said that, it cut to the core.  Where did that come from?  How could he say that?  We got to my parents’ house and I dropped him off.  We sat in the living room and he continued to say he was mad at me.  Remember this is over a ribbon!!  A RIBBON!!   

You still with me?

I left my parents' and went to work.  I was devastated and exhausted.   I honestly do not know what to do.  Jude does this at times – he explodes!!  He gets so angry. How do we control this?  How do we move forward?  How do I find my sweet Turtle? 

After seeing so many bloggers recently post about losing their children I feel like an ASS even posting this.  At least I get to have a fight with my son.  At least I got to go to a field day.  When I made it home from work last night I cuddled my son.  I told him I love him.  I read him a story and we cuddled.  I know he is a good boy and I thank the Lord every day for my children, even when they Break My Mommy Heart.

People are telling me it is a stage…I understand that but how do I make sure that we are identifying this anger and treating it the correct way?  I am ready for this stage to be gone…forever!  So help us out.  What have you used to help your toddler get through frustrating things in life without blowing up?

You will be proud of me though…there were 2 blue ribbons left, instead of giving into his behavior and giving him a blue one, I threw them in the trash.  He will learn to appreciate that Green GOOD JOB ribbon!   

Friends, I need your advice.  Please give it to me straight! 

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  1. Oh my gosh, I'm right there with you. Lennox explodes at times too and I hate it. I love her to pieces, of course, but sometimes she makes me so mad and when she does it in person, its embarrassing - even though it shouldn't be - all kids do it, and if someone tells you their kid didn't do this - they are lying!

    My sister is having the same problem with her almost 4 year old too. He lost ALL of his toys as a result and has to earn them back. It's time for some tough love. Lennox lost her tv privileges yesterday morning. I think the biggest thing we can do is make a plan for discipline and stick with it - whether it ruins the plans or not for the day. It has to be a stage but it's a pretty crappy one when they decide to have a bad day over the silliest little thing.

    Just know that what he says, he doesn't really understand and is most likely repeating something else he heard. He loves you :)

  2. You may think I'm making this up but Rex has said some very hurtful things like this to me too. Remember when I had my mommy meltdown about 6 or so months ago? Well it was over behavior like what you described above. I tried the super tough love and discipline and I will admit I spanked more than I should have. Well it didn't work. Spanking had worked in the past but for this it just got worse and worse. So I reached out again to the person I admire and seek advice from but couldn't get in contact with during my the first mommy meltdown and this is what she said to me. "There is a time for spanking but this is not it. This is a time for hugs and love." This was completely the opposite of what I felt like doing in the middle of a fit but then she explained. "When we are angry and shouting (or feel like shouting) what do we want? No we want someone to talk to us, hug us, and hear why we are so upset." True right? Well I tried it. Every time Rex went into one of his fits I would have him come to me and I'd hug him and whisper in his ear calm down, tell me what's wrong, why are you so upset. It worked! He'd calm down and I'd learn A LOT about how he was feeling. It gave me a chance to look through his eyes and feel what he felt. After about a week or so he started to have less and less fits. He started learning how to talk to me before he'd get angry. It really was awesome what I learned during thay time AND what I was able to teach to him! I will say this...I will say this. It is really really hard to do in the beginning and if you slack off or get comfortable and stop asking every time it will start to get bad again. But it is a reminder that you are not taking the time to listen and see things through his eyes. Let me know if you try it and if it works for you guys too :) Good luck!

  3. Oh we have all been there. I was there with my daughter yesterday and the worst part is my being in the room to volunteer caused issues for another child that wanted his mother there. His mom had volunteered in the morning. Right after I got there she came to the door and asked me over. We talked because her son had been upset. I assured her he was fine, engaged and doing his work. Flash forward an hour and its time for me to leave. Not only is my daughter crying because I'm leaving but now the little boy is hysterically crying. My heart broke for both of them. But when Rae got home from school she was fine, happy and said the little boy had washed away his tears and played with her the rest of the day. We all need to vent about when our little ones say hurtful things. (HUGS)

  4. It is hard. Kids do need to know they are appreciated but also limits. My daughter just finished her 3rd year of montessori and my son his first :)

  5. My daughter turns two in a few days and I already see a defiant change. She knows what she wants and doesn't want. We are doing time outs and they seem to be working some but I can only brace myself for the next meltdown.

    Michelle F.

  6. Being a Mother is hard PERIOD! Anyone who says any different obviously has NO CHILDREN! I hate to tell you this but it doesn't get easier and I find as they grow throughout the years so does the attitude and the independance... But the good far outweigh the bad and all the little things like hugs, kisses, "Mommy, I love you!" tends to just wash the bad away!

  7. I honestly feel your pain. I have a 6 year old son and I am not too sure it gets any better. I am a single mom but I am very very active with my son so we are always on hiking trips and vacations pretty much any possible fun thing you can imagine. I am also in nursing school so during the week he has to entertain him self well he went to grandmas house and told the my parents that I never ever ever do anything with him. Of course I get a phone call and my mom tells me the run down and it made my heart heart because I invest so much time in planning so many fun outing for him and I to go on and I just felt totally unappreciated. I have pretty smart 6 year old so I sat him down and we had a nice long talk about it and the next day I told him we were going to have fun day at the park. SO from the time he was dressed and ready that morning til almost dinner time we played at the park every game I could think of needless to say never ever said that we don't do fun stuff and still hasn't asked to go back to the park....LOL but he doesn't know we are going today!

  8. Did you explain to him that he hurt you? My oldest son was like that for a while and he stopped when he realized how much he was hurting me. Sometimes I think they say things to get their point across, but don't realize how hurtful it is

  9. It is a stage! I believe personally that four is the best age (so far!) When my loving Momma's boy would have temper tantrums in public like that, I would count to three and if he didn't stop I'd calmly tell him when he got home he was going to go to bedroom and think about his behavior. IF he did it at home, I'd send him to his room and tell him point blank he couldn't come out until he was done with his temper tantrum (that's all it is.) For two years straight, he went in and out of his bedroom (on his own mind you), until he learned the power of controlling his temper. He's six, almost 7, and he still has moments when he has a temper flare up, but he doesn't yell or scream or say hurtful things anymore. Instead, he clamps his mouth shut and pouts. However, of the two evils, this is by far better. The good news is he's getting better about it.

    Now my two year old daughter on the other hand, this whole time out ordeal is NOT working with her at all. If anything it makes her temper even worse! I have learned that distracting her makes a big difference. She is slowly learning there are better ways to handle things.

    As far as the appreciation part, I seem to still have all three of my kids who don't appreciate a darn thing we do.

  10. Please don't tell me 4 is worse than 3. My son turned 3 in March and the defiance, attitudes and meltdowns are unreal!


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