Listen To Your Mother - Adopted |Building Our Story Yum

Friday, April 17, 2015

Listen To Your Mother - Adopted

Last month, I totally stepped out of my comfort zone and took the opportunity to try out for the Upcoming Listen To Your Mother event in Boulder Colorado.  I wrote a story that is near to my heart and felt so proud to read it - I may have cried a bit too but I read it!  Unfortunately, I did not make the cast this year but as so many of my blogging friends have reminded me, I took a step that some people would never do.  And now, I would love to share my story with you.  

February 4 , 1983 - a day that my young life started fresh.   

I was 3 weeks old and had no idea how blessed I was about to be.  That day my new parents picked me up and I was in my forever home just like that, sure seems quick to a baby, but we all know the long process my parents went through.  I am proud of being adopted.  I have never known anything different  - my adoptive parents are my PARENTS.  Bottom line - my mother and my father.  My bond with my Mom and Dad is no different than the bond that I share with my children, who happen to be biological.

A  lot of people talk about pregnancy being the Ultimate Sacrifice.  Maybe it is because another human is literally taking over your body?  I did it twice, believe me, I know the sacrifice but let me tell you about my mom - She wins!  My mom was that woman that tried to have a baby, she was that woman that went through those ongoing "when are you going to have a baby?" questions that killed her heart, she was that woman that kept hope because she wanted to be a mother BUT she is also that woman that is a Mother.

The process started 32 years ago it was a long process, just like any adoption - draining but there was hope!  That call came and without much warning - John and Carol became parents over the phone!  Well, sort of, you see that sacrifice just started.  The call was fantastic news but it wasn't legal for weeks.  Can you imagine?  The thought of your new baby being ripped from your arms because something legally doesn't go through?  My mom , though, she took the ultimate sacrifice and started her maternity leave the moment I was in her arms and she gave me her love.  She was a mother.  It did become official - YAY!   So what does this have to do with me being a Mother?

Patience – oh all the patience in the world.  Now, I am not talking about patience with the kids when they have lost their minds over not getting to watch a TV show – no, patience over waiting for that moment to be a mother.  My husband and I tried to have a baby for 9 months – it was so hard getting those negative tests month after month but when I sat down and saw that pink plus sign on month 10 it clicked with me.  Patience.  My mother never saw that pink plus sign.  In fact I even felt guilty telling her about my pink plus sign.  Her struggle made my pink plus sign even more amazing to my husband and me but also to my mom.   While her pink plus sign did finally come in a form of a phone call, I know that with every day, week, month and year my mom waited for that moment to be a mother made her a much more patient soul.  Maybe it was to prepare her to deal with my teenage years?  We do not have time to go into that! 

True Love – have you ever thought about loving a child that is not biologically yours?  Some people automatically think – oh I could do that without a problem, others cannot fathom the idea.  No judgment, to each their own.   I am lucky enough to see the true love aspect of being an adoptive parent and a biological parent.  The moment I held my children after giving birth, it was true love.  I will do anything for those crazy kids, they are mine!  True love – my mom, I whole heartily agree that she feels the same about my brother and me.  The moments that she laid eyes on us, HER children, she was in love.  She would do anything for us.   True love.  A love that takes over your entire being, it controls you, even though I do not have my mom’s genes she loves me as any biological mother would.  Through her acts of true love I learned how to love my children.  I learned what love really is by the actions I felt beginning on February 4th 1983! 

Family-  I have never considered my mom or dad as my adoptive parents, they are my PARENTS.  My only parents.  I honestly do not when I was told about my adoption because it wasn't a big deal or taboo in our family.  Family does not have to be blood or biological.  Genes do not have to match and I do not have to look like my mom.  We are family.  This knowledge has taught me how to open my tribe of friends who I consider family as well.  As a mother I want to create a family tribe that will support and love my children.  I have found that confidence from my mother.  She and my dad built our family – they opened their home to 2 babies who needed a family.  What a gift.   On a funny note - everyone always comments about how my Mom and I sound identical and that my daughter has grandpa's (my adoptive father) hair - well okay then!  Jumping genes maybe?

Experiencing Birth with My Mom – wow.  This was an amazing experience.  You see, my mom had never seen an ultrasound photo, heard the pregnancy struggles, or been in a delivery room.  My mom and I went through these first experiences together.  She learned and I learned.  I asked her to be in the delivery room and help me tackle the biggest events of my life and she agreed, happily.  She was there to meet Jude and Teagan the moment they were born.  This moment – the moment of true love.  I experienced that feeling but I also saw her experience true love for herself as a grandmother.  That moment that a little tiny human totally takes over your brain, body and heart.  The day my first child was born I learned so much from my mom.  My whole life as her daughter came back to me, I used my experiences to prepare to be a mother in those 9 months but once that little boy was in my arms, I needed my mom.  I needed her to guide me, hug me and praise me through the first hours, days, weeks, years of parenthood!  Without her, I would have been lost.  Without her qualities of patience, true love and family I would have been a different mother. 

Formula – yes, formula.  I am not going to open that can of mommy wars - no one has time for that! When I struggled with nursing my son and daughter I was reminded by my mother that formula will not kill your baby!  In fact, did you know that a woman that was formula fed was strong enough to give birth to 2 kids?  FACT!  It was me!  Being adopted and seeing my mother go through adoption with my brother I never experienced the breastfeeding of a baby.  I didn’t know anything different than a bottle so when the struggle happened it was reassuring that my mother knew that feeling too.   A connection, we both knew we would feed our children by walking into a store rather than nursing and it was OKAY.  Parenting is hard enough and for the worry of feeding your baby to affect you to tears was not okay, I was able to rely on my mother for that support.  Basically my mother kept me sane through the early pieces of motherhood – many people thank her!

So here we are – the daughter, mom, and grandmother.  The generation continues.  Being a mom is a gift, no matter how that gift is given.  I hope that I can show Teagan patience, true love, and family while she grows up just as my mom did.  I will never be able to thank my mother and father enough for the life that they gave me. 

So Being Adopted – what have I learned?

A mother is not a vessel – a mother is a gift to a child.  Wait patiently, love deeply, rejoice in family and support devotedly!

I hope that next year I can have this honor of auditioning again.  

Have you attended a Listen To Your Mother event?

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  1. My sister from another mister! Amazing story! Proud of you for doing something like this. We never know what will happen unless we put ourselves out there. You rock lady!

  2. What a great story - I bookmarked this to come back and read and really enjoyed it.

  3. Awesome story. i love reading stories of adoption and what is possible when parents open their homes and their hearts.

  4. What a great story and congratulations to you! I have some friends that are doing this in other cities too.

  5. Your story is so touching. While you did not make the cut this time I'm sure other opportunities will arise

  6. I have never heard of this series but kuddos to you for trying out. Best of luck next year but think you are sharing your story so well here too

  7. I love this story, it's a heartstring puller. I am glad your parents had their happy ending with you. Congrats to you on auditioning!!

  8. THis was amazing! Loved it Censie

  9. I've never heard of this event, but it does sound powerful. Even in my 40's I still don't listen to my mother!

  10. Thank you for being so transparent! You are so blessed to have loving parents. :)

  11. I have to say family is family no matter how it happens. I have 6 brothers. One I share parents with, One step brother, 2 half brothers and 2 adopted brothers. We are equal in this family and treat each other the same. So i love your point of view and so happy you audition. Here's to next year.

  12. You made me cry with this post. I am so glad you were able to share all of that with your mom!

  13. Amazing story! Loving a child with everything you are...that makes a parent. It makes no difference if the child is biologically yours!

  14. What a beautiful story about your mom! Wow it was touching and looking at the pictures you can tell she genuinely loved you whether your had the same DNA or not. You are blessed to have her (and dad).

  15. This is such a beautiful story. You are so right about the formula. As long as baby is fed and happy, who are we to judge.


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