It happened to us, and if you’re reading this article, it probably happened to you too. Maybe it went like this: you and your husband dated for a time, and back then, love, attraction, and passion ruled the day. Then you married and this beautiful deepening of your friendship took place, though there was still plenty of passion to go around and keep things exciting. Then you dug into your careers. Then you had kids. Then you looked up one day and realized things had changed. Your entire marriage revolved around anything and everything but passion. You and your husband had become roommates raising children together, paying bills together, and it broke your heart.
Maybe you’ve despaired that the spark you once shared with your spouse will never come back. Maybe you’ve begun letting your eyes wander, wondering if you should look beyond your marriage for fulfillment.
We understand. We’ve been there too. And we’re here to tell you that there is hope. You and your significant other can reignite that spark. All it takes is willingness, time, a bit of work, and some good advice. And that’s what we’re here for: to offer you our best advice for keeping that spark alive.
1. Practice active listening. Remember when you used to hang on every word he said to you? Whether it was the simple details of his workday or the deepest longings of his heart, you listened carefully, you engaged, and you showed him how much you cared. How about now? Your mind is on ten different things when he talks to you. Right? No wonder you’re practically strangers now. Start listening actively and rediscover who each of you really are. And start asking questions again. There’s no better way to show interest (and to feel interest, too) than to ask questions in response to whatever your husband is saying.
2. Share physical affection. No, we don’t necessarily mean sex. Your marriage might be too cold, too distant right now for that. We mean holding hands while you’re out together. Haven’t done that in a while? Feels awkward? Get over it. Sometimes you have to fake it until you make it. There once was a time when it was nearly impossible to separate you two. You’re out of the habit now, but that doesn’t mean you can’t get back there. The mind and the heart often follow the body’s lead, so hold hands and give each other hugs several times a day. Remember that TV series you both watched together years ago and loved? Order it as a box set of DVDs and cuddle on the couch under a comfy blanket while you watch the series and relive old times. Consistently share touch in these ways and you’ll feel tenderer towards one another, and this will reverberate across your entire relationship. Keep it up and it won’t be long before passions ignite and you’ll both want to up the stakes.
3. Truly celebrate each other. Birthdays, holidays, wedding anniversaries: these are all opportunities to show your man how much he means to you by giving him a thoughtful gift that truly speaks to who he is. For instance, choose anniversary gifts for him that he’ll be over the moon for, like personalized beer steins and a subscription to a beer of the month club (if he’s into beer, that is). Really consider his interests and make gift-giving extra special. Furthermore, get him little gifts for no reason. A little surprise here and there can really make one’s day. He’s likely to reciprocate this as well.
4. Look good for each other. Now, we’re not necessarily talking about hitting the gym every day and becoming a supermodel (though a little exercise and a healthy diet go a long way towards looking good and feeling good). What we really mean is this: back when you two were dating, you always wanted to look your best for him. You wanted to blow him away, and not only did that attract him to you, but it made him feel good. He knew you cared about him because you took time to look good for him. And vice versa. So, what changed? Careers and kids wear you out so much you can barely think at the end of the day let alone spruce yourself up for your husband. We understand, and we agree that your husband should love you just as much when you’re in your comfy pants as when you’re decked to the nines. However, a few days a week, you should make it a point to show him you still care about keeping the spark alive by showing yourself to be spark-worthy.
So, there you have it. Some of our best tips for reigniting that fading spark in your marriage. Before you despair, try these tips with your husband. You’ll be surprised just how fast that spark can return.
What are your tips for Keeping The Spark Alive in your relationship?